Pah, diese Tests sind aber sowas von unzuverlässig! Das weiß auch deine Schulleitung.

Und so ein kleiner Whisky kann nicht schaden:

THE VIRTUES OF SCOTTISH WHISKY!
AS WRITTEN BY RAPHAEL HOLINSHED IN 1577.

BEING MODERATELY TAKEN-

IT SLOWS THE AGE,
IT CUTS THE PHLEGM,
IT LIGHTENS THE MIND,
IT QUICKENS THE SPIRIT,
IT CURES THE DROPSY,
IT HEALS THE STRANGULATION,
IT POUNDS THE STONE,
IT REPELS THE GRAVEL,
IT PULLS AWAY VENTOSITIE,
IT KEEPS THE HEAD FROM WHIRLING,
THE EYES FROM DAZZLING,
THE TONGUE FROM LISPING,
THE MOUTH FROM SNUFFLING,
THE TEETH FROM CHATTERING,
THE THROAT FROM RATTLING,
THE WEASON FROM STIFFING,
THE STOMACH FROM WOMBLYING,
THE HEART FROM SWELLING,
THE BELLY FROM WINCING,
THE GUTS FROM RUMBLING,
THE HANDS FROM SHIVERING,
THE SINEWS FROM SHRINKING,
THE VEINS FROM CRUMPLING,
THE BONES FROM ACHING,
THE MARROW FROM SOAKING,
AND TRULY IS A SOVEREIGN LIQUOR,
IF IT BE ORDERLY TAKEN
THE WATER OF LIFE
UISGE BEATHA.

Und außerdem:
During the Spanish flu pandemic, whisky was medicine
From India to the US and UK, the water of life was used to cure and prevent the deadly flu